Your Majesty

Here's some encouragement, judge, I've never won anything, never come out on top in any competition, the proverbial loser; so you have that going for you and you already have the advantage of the machine so in a sense, you've already won.

That's what I'm trying to tell you, Billy. But in another sense, judge, we're both of us at the mercy of the law of averages; the more times something doesn't happen, the more probable it will happen; all of my failures have lead me here and all of your triumphs have brought you. Billy, I'm afraid you've lost perspective. Perspective? there's a legal term I'm not familiar with, your honor;  I've made my 'perspective' pretty clear, the perspective of my struggle, same as you; the difference is that struggle and I have a very special relationship; we enjoy one another's company; so gather the machine, your majesty; push the buttons or don't and save yourself the humiliation... good talk but I gotta bounce. Billy, the law has to be enforced and it's up to you how painful this is gonna be; why not just turn yourself in and we can end this thing peacefully? Why? because, as you well know, your eminence, I don't really have anything else going on; I'm bored, need a project; sayonara, your grace.

illustration by Meredith Marmaduke